Ask a Silly Question, Get a Silly Answer

Q: But Don’t Plants Have Feelings Too?

A: Yes, they do, however, I am a valued member of the right wing anti-plant movement, and so I don’t believe they deserve rights.

Q: Aren’t All Vegans Just Tree Hugging Hippies? / What Religion is That?

A: No, we are a cult, blessed by the knowledge bestowed upon us via the almighty hummus deity.

How you feel when people ask vegans questions

Q: But I Just Love Cheese

A: Dramatically throw back your hair and tilt your black tinted glasses and say ‘Darrrrrllllliiinnngggg, pus is so last season.’ Or say ‘Have you tried Sainsbury’s caramelised onion cheese – it’s like better than cheese; it’s beyond the beyond of cheese’ (It may be handy to always have some slices on your person at all times, for demonstration).

Q: Where Do You Get Your Protein From?

A: Father Christmas, on the yearly. I mean you could explain how plant foods are a much denser and healthier – and cruelty-free – source of protein.

Q: I Don’t Speak Vegan/What Do You Even Eat Though?

A: This is an excellent opportunity to start playing Macka B.

Q: If You Were on a Desert Island, Would You Eat Meat?

A: Look them dead in the eye and say ‘I’d eat you.’

Q: Is Water/Salt/Banana/Lamb’s Lettuce/Kidney Beans/Butter Beans Vegan?

A: Yes.

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